On Tapas, or waking up at 3.45 am

Warning!!!! This is going to be the most boring post ever for those of you who don't care about yoga. Warning!!!!

So, I'm into week 5 of the practice and finally Sharat has given me a pose from the second series. I knew I would have to wait and I've tried to be terribly patient but it's still a test. It's very hard trying to have no expectations for some things, especially when you know something should be coming.
My physical yoga practice is going well. Somehow I thought doing yoga here would be easier (heck, I'm not working 40+ hours a week, plus hours of train/metro commute!!!!) but that's not the case. Led classes (with the teachers counting the postures) were a torture originally; now they alternate between great pleasure and relaxation and almost impossible physical demands. Sharath's led class is killer and after a week or so into it I realized I have to try to use the minimum physical effort for every single move (this is difficult when some postures do require a lot of effort or for the few that still present a challenge for me or where I have some imbalance between sides), light breathing, extreme positive thinking (like, "I'm strong", "I'm breathing in an elixir of peace", things that Maya would term "hippie shite"). Using these tactics I can make it all the way to the end of a led class (not a lot of the students can, maybe one third, less than one half - this is not counting the separate intermediate group with peeps like my teacher who do third series- stellar!!). Anyhoo, I can make it almost to the end, but the headstand and half-bend headstand is sooooooooooo loooooooooong and drawn out that it sucks my energy dry and then I have absolutely nothing left in me for uth plithihi! As another friend has described, doing uth plithihi as the last posture in a led class is the most demoralizing thing about Mysore yoga. You prepare and start the posture, you're on your fourth breath or whatever and the teacher counts "one", you're about to collapse and can't hold yourself up anymore and there's no "two" coming anywhere. You can lift yourself up and down and try to hold it and be strong and go up and down (you're supposed to hold this posture with no coming down) many times between every number they count. Other students have told me about their desire to kill Sharath in this posture and most describe intense feelings of hatred for him. Everything is peace and beauty and bliss until this!!! It's totally depressing!!! And then the practice ends for the day.
On a more positive note, my initial disappointment at making little physical progress compared to other students saying, "yeah, I'm already doing better" doesn't matter, because I realize I am getting much better at things like headstands (holding for minutes at a time is difficult), I'm trying to work thru the great imbalance of my partially twisted and indefinitely torn end of hamstrings/sitting bones right leg muscles, I'm going much farther in some poses and gaining flexibility!!!
Psychologically I've taken my practice far already, relaxing my breathing more, changing the way I distribute my breath throughout my body, etc.
Mentally, there are still challenges. Concentration and mind control is always difficult and I haven't advanced here at all, much to my chagrin.
Subtly, I feel I am advancing, too. I'm consciously connecting my uddhiyana bandha and my mula bandha all the time now, something I couldn't do before.
So, on to tapas. The Sanskrit concept of tapas is really heating in order to purify, cleaning from one level and then more and more and more. This can be superficially, like cleaning your house or brushing your teeth, or cooking butter slowly so that the impurities rise to the surface to be skimmed off to make ghee, eating healthy food, etc, or it can be in act (non-violence), in speech (speaking only when necessary), austerity, moderation, etc, etc. It helps to think of layers and when you do one thing, raise the "ante", continue, make it more challenging (like first learning the alphabet, then recognizing words, then reading, then writing, then studying texts). It's like, ok, you can do one thing well, so try this then. First riding the skateboard, then doing tricks.
So, tapas can also be waking up in the morning. When I got here I started doing yoga class at 7.30 in the morning (really 7.15, because Shala time is 15 minutes before real time) - led classes at 6 am. Then I was moved to 7 every day, then 6.15 every day, now 6 am. What does this mean? Getting up at 5 am to wash face, have coffee and walk to class, because really 6 am is 5.45 am. And the best news of all??? Now my led classes (twice a week) will be at 4.45 (read 4.30am) meaning I'll get up at 3.45 am.
Gulp! Some of you would rather die before waking up at this time. Well, I can tell you, at least I'm on vacation and don't have to work AND get up at this time. Getting up at 5 here is no big deal; the birds have already been singing for hours, by the time you're up and out, the sun is already rising/risen. Plus since it's tropical here, it makes more sense to be up with the natural light (basically from 5.30/6 am til 6.30/7 pm). But I have a feeling it's gonna be pretty dark at 4.15 tomorrow morning when I walk to class. Not to mention I may not have my ideal flexibility or cooperative body.
Ok, enuf ranting. Probably only my mother is reading this to the end.
The funny thing is, when I tell people I've been bumped to the 4.30 class, they're like, "wow, that's great!" That means you go with the serious practitioners, the most advanced and dedicated, and that Sharath has put you there for a reason.
You kids at home would probably say, "god, I'd rather die."
PS. I'm no way suggesting I'm somehow "purer" or better with the waking up earlier and earlier tapas concept. Just had to write about something and I'd rather write about this than the ecsema-like rash I have under my eyes. Actually the two are totally related, as most rashes in yoga are all the past toxins coming out of your body (excessive heat boiling to the surface to be released).
XOXO.